I think that we all remember that age when being “boyfriend/girlfriend” just meant chasing each other around on the playground at recess. Young kids develop their role models on relationships by what they observe in others and when Mommy doesn’t date much and there’s no “Daddy” in your son’s picture of how a woman should be treated in a relationship, naturally it is easy for boys to become confused on what makes “a good man”.
“Girlfriends come and go in your life, but they remain themselves, after.”
I think that it’s important to convey to preteen boys that it’s ok to just be friends with girls. To really get to know them.
I have had to explain to my son that at his age he has friends who are girls. And they can be quite special friends. But having a “girlfriend” at 8 is inappropriate as he is still a child. But does that mean that when he is a teenager, he is no longer a child?
I think that it’s natural as Moms to want our kids to be to be children for as long as possible. We want to babyproof the world and hope that they can live a life without the heartache and anxiety that comes with “does she like me or am I not good enough for her”?
But that just isn’t real life. Today, our sons have more abundant access to entertainment with
It’s hard for a single boymom to talk to her son in such a way that he isn’t overwhelmed.
Do you know that mommy is a girl?
The first thing that I find helpful is to refer to his mommy as a “woman” who is also a “girl”.
This helps him to construct in his mind that girls have futures. He has a future and is a person whose ideas and thoughts and feelings deserve respect. I think that this helps him to remember that women are not merely objects.
It also makes a good opportunity to grow closer together, to help him mature into a young man by exploring you as a female who is a person and not a sex object. You can tell him what you like about men. You can tell him what it was like to be courted by boys or chased by boys when you were the age of girls that he chased.
“Mine is 14 and we talk on occasion,” says my friend Melissa. “I made sure he knew this topic was ongoing. And we focus a lot on respect for women, respect for self, consent and what a long term partner would eventually look like.”
Let me send you something to watch.
Thankfully, there are some very helpful YouTube videos to break the ice on some difficult ideas using a third party.
An ongoing, open dialog is your best option for a healthy relationship. Focus on being yourself and being comfortable talking honestly about things and he will reciprocate your candor.